Warrior... Priestess... Tramp

Xena: Warrior Princess episode
“Warrior... Priestess... Tramp”
Episode no.	Season 3 Episode 9
Guest star(s)	Ted Raimi (Joxer); Macgregor Cameron (Balius)
Writer(s)	Adam Armus & Nora Kay Foster; Robert Field (ed.)
Director	Robert Ginty
Production no.	#V0402
Original airdate	1998 Jan. 12
Episode chronology
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"The King of Assassins"	"The Quill Is Mightier"
List of Xena episodes

After Gabrielle saves a Hestian priestess who looks just like Xena from being burned at the stake, they realize they have to get to the bottom of the situation. Another look-alike episode with three Xena look-alikes. This time, lots of joking about celibacy, sex, masturbation, and prostitution; and a final dip into murderous religious intolerance.

Third of several Xena look-alike episodes: Warrior ... Princess ... Warrior... Princess... Tramp ... Warrior... Priestess... Tramp ... The Key to the Kingdom

Dialog

Xena: It's not my place to question the wisdom of the goddess. We must all place our faith in Hestia.

Leah: Do I sense a non-believer among us? (off X&G's expressions)

X: I just think that you'd do better if you put more faith in yourself.

L: Looks like someone's caught a speeding chariot straight for Tartarus. What about you, Gabrielle, hmm? Surely you place more faith in the all-knowing, ever-powerful gods than you do in yourself?

X: Yeah. (looking at G)

G, laughing: Actually I'm with Xena on this one.

L Heathens to the left of me, infidels to the right. Tremendous. Next thing you'll be telling me you're not virgins.

X just looks at her like she's nuts; G looks a little abashed. Leah gasps and turns away in horror.

X: Can I have a word with you? (to Gabrielle)

...

L: You really are a very nice, albeit misguided, young person, Gabrielle. It's a great pity I didn't get hold of you sooner. You would have made an excellent Hestian.

G: Thanks. I don't think so.

L: Well, a chaste life's not so bad, once you get used to it. You simply have to follow the Hestian rules. Rule one, know thyself. Rule two, whatever --

G: Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem.

... Xena is hearing a confession from one of the Hestian virgins:

HV: It all started in the garden. I was happily tilling the soil, when my eyes fell upon something magnificant — the summer squash. (Xena takes on a villain behind the screen.) My mind raced. Surely the gods wouldn't have given us such plump, firm vegetables if ... (inaudible as Xena fights a villain behind the "declarations" screen) ...(concluding:) I can't even enjoy a salad, without feeling guilty. (Xena about to leave.) Wait! I need your advice.

Xena turns to her, impatiently: Look. Sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands.

Xena stalks off, and the other Hestian virgins run up to her and eagerly ask what she said. She smiles.

Disclaimer

"Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture."