Warrior... Priestess... Tramp
| Xena: Warrior Princess episode | |
|---|---|
| “Warrior... Priestess... Tramp” | |
| Episode no. | Season 3 Episode 9 |
| Guest star(s) | Ted Raimi (Joxer); Macgregor Cameron (Balius) |
| Writer(s) | Adam Armus & Nora Kay Foster; Robert Field (ed.) |
| Director | Robert Ginty |
| Production no. | #V0402 |
| Original airdate | 1998 Jan. 12 |
| Episode chronology | |
| ← Previous | Next → |
| "The King of Assassins" | "The Quill Is Mightier" |
After Gabrielle saves a Hestian priestess who looks just like Xena from being burned at the stake, they realize they have to get to the bottom of the situation. Another look-alike episode with three Xena look-alikes. This time, lots of joking about celibacy, sex, masturbation, and prostitution; and a final dip into murderous religious intolerance.
Third of several Xena look-alike episodes: Warrior ... Princess ... Warrior... Princess... Tramp ... Warrior... Priestess... Tramp ... The Key to the Kingdom
Dialog
- Xena: It's not my place to question the wisdom of the goddess. We must all place our faith in Hestia.
- Leah: Do I sense a non-believer among us? (off X&G's expressions)
- X: I just think that you'd do better if you put more faith in yourself.
- L: Looks like someone's caught a speeding chariot straight for Tartarus. What about you, Gabrielle, hmm? Surely you place more faith in the all-knowing, ever-powerful gods than you do in yourself?
- X: Yeah. (looking at G)
- G, laughing: Actually I'm with Xena on this one.
- L Heathens to the left of me, infidels to the right. Tremendous. Next thing you'll be telling me you're not virgins.
- X just looks at her like she's nuts; G looks a little abashed. Leah gasps and turns away in horror.
- X: Can I have a word with you? (to Gabrielle)
...
- L: You really are a very nice, albeit misguided, young person, Gabrielle. It's a great pity I didn't get hold of you sooner. You would have made an excellent Hestian.
- G: Thanks. I don't think so.
- L: Well, a chaste life's not so bad, once you get used to it. You simply have to follow the Hestian rules. Rule one, know thyself. Rule two, whatever --
- G: Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem.
... Xena is hearing a confession from one of the Hestian virgins:
- HV: It all started in the garden. I was happily tilling the soil, when my eyes fell upon something magnificant — the summer squash. (Xena takes on a villain behind the screen.) My mind raced. Surely the gods wouldn't have given us such plump, firm vegetables if ... (inaudible as Xena fights a villain behind the "declarations" screen) ...(concluding:) I can't even enjoy a salad, without feeling guilty. (Xena about to leave.) Wait! I need your advice.
- Xena turns to her, impatiently: Look. Sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands.
- Xena stalks off, and the other Hestian virgins run up to her and eagerly ask what she said. She smiles.
Disclaimer
"Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture."