Male Allies (WisCon 31 panel)
Feminism, Sex, and Gender•Caucus Room• Sunday, 1:00-2:15 p.m.
What does good ally behavior look like? Abortion rights, housework equity, absentee fathering, and the income gap continue as feminist themes. Can the feminist revolution move forward without the active participation of men? How do men find something for themselves in the revolution's goals rather than just seeing some of their own (arguably unearned) privilege vanishing? This panel will feature several feminist men talking about how feminism has affected their personal lives as well as their political lives, in the hopes of opening the dialogue.
M: Ian K. Hagemann, Aaron Lichtov, Gregory G. Rihn, Benjamin Micah Rosenbaum, Jef a. Smith
Transcripts and Notes
Partial notes by Janice Dawley:
Ian requests that no one use the term “male oppression” for the rest of the panel. Actually, since he’s practicing asking for what he wants, he would like to never hear it again for his entire life.
“Part of the solution, part of the problem.” Do panelists agree? Disagree?
Greg: Passive men are definitely part of the problem.
Ben: He agrees, though it’s not just a matter of inertia. Some discussion of the negative aspects of patriarchy & feeling the edges of the “oppression” term for men.
Jef: Men should acknowledge their privilege. When someone calls you on it, you shouldn’t be defensive or “take umbrage”.
Aaron: “I’m better than all of you [audience laughter] because I am transgender & was raised as a girl.”
Three different flavors of “you’re not doing it right”: straight girl, dyke, transgender third space. Now, he uses his current position of privilege to stick his neck out and educate other people when he doesn’t have to.
Ian: “Silence is the voice of complicity.”
A principle: do your own work.
Jef: Men should try to confide in other men rather than always relying on women for that.
Ben: Training to be competitive militates against that ability to confide in other men, which leads to a desire to get away from other men, which doesn’t work.
Ian quotes the Pessimist’s Guide to the Universe: You can’t win, you can’t break even, and you can’t get out of the game.
Another corollary: but there’s no excuse to give up on it.
Aaron points out that that’s a Talmudic teaching: you may not finish the work, but you must continue it.
Audience member asks how being a male ally differs for extroverts vs. introverts.
Several panelists focus on men dominating conversation, and their efforts not to do that.
What archetypes motivate the panelists?
Ian: His motivation comes from his men’s group, which is very unusual in that his father also belongs to it. He also surrounds himself with reminders of what he values.
Jef: Lefty science fiction geek community.
Ben: Being a feminist is a tremendously joyful experience for him.
Aaron: SF, particularly Melissa Scott’s Shadow Man; a tranny “guy stuff” group, shopping with his wife -”this is where the faggy part of my gender comes out”. He tells an anecdote about an 11-year old boy he knows whose father is a complete prick. Aaron is his comforting male adult figure. “This is a male feminist of the future.”
“The revolution has to be big enough for everyone.”
Aaron to Jef, after analogy of being an alcoholic: “You’re a recovering man.”
Jef: Get over it when you make mistakes.
Ben: Guilt is a big challenge for the would-be feminist man - no one is interested in your guilt!